The weather yesterday was like that of what dreams are made of. No doubt the most beautiful day of the year so far happened to fall on the one I spend every waking minute of in class. C'est la vie. I did however manage to escape a few times just to sit on the grass and absorb all the golden delicious rays the sun was spewing forth. If I close my eyes I can still kind of feel it.
People were smiling. Overly friendly. I love the way the warmth changes things.
A make shift football game started and I had a particularly good view of some muscular hotties throwing a ball around. I wish I was one of those sporty types. Sporty types look like they have a lot of fun, then of course there's the rock hard body that comes along with it that wouldn't be so bad. For now I'm the one who watches from afar, drearily munching away on carrot and celery sticks with dreams of oozing asiago and artichoke dip and whole loaves of french bread with butter dancing around in my head. False promises of running that extra mile on the treadmill when I get home. Hell, false promise of running ANY mile on the treadmill when I get home.
I've been fighting a lot of bad feelings the past few months and I think part of the reason I keep myself so insanely busy is so that I can camouflage whats really going on with me. Juggling a crazy schedule leaves little to no time for reflection, no time to deal with the issues that just keep getting pushed deeper and deeper into my soul. I feel like I'm hardening up. I don't feel things the way I used to. Moments and emotions keep passing me by because I tell myself I'm just too busy to let them in. Life is passing me by. The weeks all seem to merge into one, how can it possibly be the END of MARCH? How do I play catch up...with my life?
I just need a little bit more of that sun on my face.
People were smiling. Overly friendly. I love the way the warmth changes things.
A make shift football game started and I had a particularly good view of some muscular hotties throwing a ball around. I wish I was one of those sporty types. Sporty types look like they have a lot of fun, then of course there's the rock hard body that comes along with it that wouldn't be so bad. For now I'm the one who watches from afar, drearily munching away on carrot and celery sticks with dreams of oozing asiago and artichoke dip and whole loaves of french bread with butter dancing around in my head. False promises of running that extra mile on the treadmill when I get home. Hell, false promise of running ANY mile on the treadmill when I get home.
I've been fighting a lot of bad feelings the past few months and I think part of the reason I keep myself so insanely busy is so that I can camouflage whats really going on with me. Juggling a crazy schedule leaves little to no time for reflection, no time to deal with the issues that just keep getting pushed deeper and deeper into my soul. I feel like I'm hardening up. I don't feel things the way I used to. Moments and emotions keep passing me by because I tell myself I'm just too busy to let them in. Life is passing me by. The weeks all seem to merge into one, how can it possibly be the END of MARCH? How do I play catch up...with my life?
I just need a little bit more of that sun on my face.
2 Comments:
I love this new blog! How ever did you get that awesome banner?! I am so Blogger illiterate. :-(
lovely post, hunnie! don't worry, your schedule will slow down a little and you'll get your 'me time' in just a few short weeks.
love you!
xoxox
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